First off, the beginning of October I was admitted to Blodgett hospital for treatment in efforts to break the migraine cycle and was there for 9 days My Neurologist had done it before but not here. And I was the lucky one to be the first to go through it. Unfortunately, it was not fun at all. I was loaded up on tons of things that made me have some pretty awful, scary side effects.And to top it all off, it did nothing for my pain!!! :(
There is 1 entire day that I don't even remember anything, which is a little unsettling for me. But anyway...according to my mom...I had severe Hallucinations,to the point that they were considering putting me in a drug induced coma, because apparently it took multiple people to hold me down. They said that was a side effect from one of the many, many meds I was getting. I had no clue what the potential side effects might have on me long term. I couldn't put words together, I was hearing and seeing things that weren't there. Then absolutely horrific one I had was that my brother Kyle had been killed in a horrible accident and I wanted my parents to come and tell me. My doctor came in to do rounds and saw how upset I was and I told him what I thought to be true, he was crying with me!!! He then stepped out to call my mom of the validity of the story and she said, no he's fine. My doctor came back to tell me, but I had my self so worked up and it was just awful....I'll spare you more details. I feared that I'd never be able to watch Ian or Annalise again. That my parents wouldn't be able to care for me and I'd end up in a care facility (yes, it was that bad!!!). I could give example after example of how awful it was and then through it all it didn't do any thing for my pain. I was frustrated, but more than anything, I feared what my life would be like when I got out of the hospital? Would God restore everything? Trust me, it was a very real battle inside.
It was probably one of the worse experiences I've been through in life, but I had to give it a try. So now, I ask you to prayer even harder and ask God to intervene and work a miracle, or send the right doctors to cross my path!!! I can tell you that the physical pain definitely has changed my life, but I'm also more thankful for the little things in life and giving God all the glory & praise!!! I know He has a plan, I pray daily that I'm walking the way He would want me to walk. Having faith in Him and leaning into Him through this process!!! Trusting Him...even on the days when I'm in extreme pain. I know that God loves me and I am His child. He knows my every need, He knows my pain....that's where my faith comes into play...I have to let go and let God!!!!
One more thing....below is a picture of myself, my dad and his 2 parents, so my grandparents who are both in Heaven. My grandfather had 1 sister, Aunt Barb (so she's a Great Aunt to me, technically) is so sweet and her husband has not been in good health for quite some time. She was caring for him at home, but it became too much, so he went into a home. I don't know exactly how long he's been there, but he has been getting worse since being there. Long story short, he passed away last night. Fortunately, for Aunt Barb she has their 2 sons that live right near her, 1 is actually right across the street, so they'll be around to help her out. But it's still a loss and an empty hole in the lives of those left behind. I know this, because I can relate. All 4 of my grandparents are in Heaven....what I wouldn't give for one last hug or phone call or anything! My prayer for all of them is that God would fill them with the peace that only He can give.
So my 2nd cousin Kandice, must have been going through pics with the family & comes across this picture and she sent it to me.
I can tell by the picture that this must have been around one of the times that Grandma was doing Chemo based on how her hair looks (either way, she's beautiful and glowing!!!). But the smiles on both of their faces is priceless. I so wasn't expecting to see this and I was immediately moved to tears. My dear Grandma has been in Heaven for 18 years. It's hard to believe that she's missed nearly half of my life. And yet it seems like just yesterday that I remember walking home (to their house) from church. I'm so thankful for the memories I have of her. I miss her dearly...I always thought about the milestones in my life that she would miss...my high school graduation, talking to her about dating, my wedding (which I clearly have nothing to brag about in that department), etc.... I was the only granddaughter on both sides, so I fully expected to have those moments with both of my grandmothers but God had other plans.
If you are my age (for those of you that don't know my age, you'll have to guess...lol), if you still have living grandparents....CHERISH that time, make memories!!!! Be thankful they are still here!!!! Another thing that hit me really hard was in the hospital when I thought Kyle had been killed in this accident, my first thought was "what was the last thing I said to him". I am telling you friends, this was/is so very real in my memory!!! Don't take your family, your relationships for granted, you never know when it might be the last time you see them. Think about how you treat them. Do you treat them with love and respect? Or are you continuously harping on them about something? It can be a spouse, a child, a friend, a parent. This applies to so many different types of relationships. This world has created an environment of us needing to be on the go all the time, and we are running here, there and every where. Slow down. We have no promise of tomorrow. You may think I'm on my soapbox, but I'm telling you this is true. It's something to think about. I can tell you that week in the hospital gave me a new perspective on life and how I approach my relationships and those people in my life. What I value and what I want to invest my time in. Wish God could've used something else to get my attention, but apparently that's what it took. And what I'm talking about is being completely sincere, not just a quick love ya, out the door, I'm running late. Nor does it have to be this drawn out 5 minute, in depth conversation....but we need to slow ourselves down and look at how much we have to be thankful for in our lives. God being at the top of that list and being able to worship Him freely and know that one day we will meet Him face to face and be reunited with our loved ones who have gone before us. But while we remain on earth, I would encourage you to pause and just think about what I've shared. I know life is crazy busy, especially for those of you working and having kiddo running around. Don't forget about the small stuff. Personally, it's changed my heart and outlook on life. I love how God works that way....are you willing to let God work that way in your life? In your families life? It could be life changing! Trust me...it's the little things that can make a huge difference!!!
Thanks for reading my book - God bless!!!!
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