The past few months, maybe even longer, the migraine pain has increased. I still have them 24/7. Nothing seems to provide any sort of relief, I just try to function the best I can possible. Some days, the pain is so bad I'm just unable to leave the house. Some day, I force myself and push through the pain....which sometimes works and sometimes I pay for it in the long run (ie: the pain gets even worse). I never know when I wake up in the morning what type of day I'm going to have. And for those of you that know me well, know that that's not how I roll. I'm a detail person, have my calendar and have everything planned. Well, these migraines have changed that part of my life, for sure!!!! I live 1 day at a time, sometimes moment by moment. I will admit that is frustrating for me because I hate to have to cancel on people, or be unable to make an appt or whatever the case may be because I can't get out of the house because the pain is too intense. I would say along with the increased pain, the frequency and intensity of the pain has become more frequent, as well as much more nausea. I also have a lot of neck pain, but I'm still seeing my Chiropractor for that and that does seem to help. (he's not the cracking kind, as I can't have that since I had my back surgery) I've been pretty open to options of trying things that could potentially help. A week ago, I got my Daith's pierced in both ears. This had been recommended to me by a number of people and I figured I might as well trying it, at this point, like I mentioned, I'm pretty open to trying as long as they aren't going to cause a ton more pain because I'm over that!!!
So what is the next step? Well, I'm still on the waiting list for U of M. BUT, my Neurologist in Grand Rapids is working on a 7-day inpatient program to try and break the cycle of the migraine. This is my 3rd Neurologist and he is truly wonderful. The previous 2 basically said, we can't do anything else for you and wanted me to go to a pain clinic and just get all drugged up on narcotics and that doesn't solve anything. My Neurologist is new to Spectrum and I was able to get in with him right away in November when he first cam. I'm told now there is a waiting list to see him because he specializes in Migraines/Headaches. So praise the Lord for that!!!! He has been working since November to get this inpatient program set-up and with my healthcare knowledge I know it's not a quick and simple process. He's doing he's best to get things moving and I will be the first patient to go through it. They already started the pre-authorization process with my insurance and I got a call today that they had a few set backs, but he's hoping to have it all in place very soon. So, as I mentioned the goal will be to break the cycle of the migraine. He has some 'cocktail' worked out & I will be on meds 24/7 in attempts to break the cycle. Then at that point at that time, if (as he said when) the migraine breaks, he feels he can diagnose and treat that migraines. He said I will always have them, but he is working towards a much more manageable, functionable amount, where I can try and live life!!! He also has said to me that I will have to ease back into the "real word". Because it's been 2 years, my body is so drained from the pain. I will need to build back my strength and he said that's going to take some time.
So why do I share all these things with you? Well number one, many have asked for updates and number 2, I need to ask for some prayer requests and there are a few things I wanted to share and number 3, I really felt God prompting me to do this.
At church Pastor Ken has been doing a series on Psalms, Encouragement From God's Hymnal. I have very much enjoyed this series. As I promised in a post earlier, I am going to put a link, so you can listen to last weeks message, it was so good! I won't say a ton about the sermon, as I'm going to include the link so you can listen, but it talked about being Thirsty for God & How to Survive in the Wilderness. The first point was **Rush to God's Arms** Psalm 63:1-4 It sure caused me to stop and think about my current situation. The chronic pain from the migraines, unable to work, living with my parents....again. And of course the unknown future. It prompted me to do some soul searching. Where does my faith in God really stand? Have a full given Him my heart, my everything and trust that nothing surprised Him and He has a plan for why I'm walking this road that I'm on for a reason. BUT....do I rush to God's arms???
Music is also an avenue that God speaks to me, I love music!!! I so miss singing on the praise team, wayyyyy back in my high school days!!!! Anyway, Vertical Church Band is absolutely AMAZING and I got there new CD and so now that's playing in my car. So many great songs are there, but just a couple I wanted to share that I feel God is speaking to me through. This song, is so the desire of my heart!
"Your Mercy" is one of my new favorites...I am so unworthy of His mercy....yet His mercies are new every day. God truly is good and such a gracious and loving God.
So, I've had a picture of this tattoo for a while and knew I wanted to get it eventually. Well, last week when I when and got the Daith piercings this place also does tattoo's, so talked to one of the artists and got this done yesterday. For me, not only it is unique (but that's not what I did it)....it's a daily reminder that I need to rely on my faith in God for everything.....yes EVERYTHING!!!!!
I never expected to be 35, living with my parents (again), divorced twice, battling chronic daily migraines that leave me unable to work and sometimes function on my own. I never expected a lot of what has occurred in my adult life. But none of it was a surprise to God. He knew everything and He knows what my future holds, for He holds it in His hands. I know that he could work a miracle and heal me. I know that he could send the right physicians my way with the right knowledge and break the cycle of the migraine. But for whatever reason, He is not choosing to do that at this time. He has other plans.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate those of you that pray for me, it truly means so very much to me. My faith is clearly still a work in progress. I have my ups and downs, basically emotional. Like today was just a tough day due to an accumulation of things. As I mentioned earlier I'm on Day #4 of more intense pain than normal and it's wearing on me pretty good. ER just doesn't seem to provide much relief anymore...nothing does really. I'm not trying to be "debbie-downer"...but this is the reality of my life right now. My mom and I recently had a conversation and we both agreed we just don't know how long I'm going to be living with them, especially considering the slow pace we are moving so far. That was a reality check. Don't get my wrong, I'm so very, very thankful for my parents allowing me to live with them and my 4-legged kiddos and all they do for me. I'd be lost without them. But I just don't know what the future holds...hence my whole "purging" spree that I've been on and will continue to be on. But some times that in and off itself is difficult.
If you've read this long book, bless your heart!!!! Please keep those prayers coming and not just for the physical but the mental and emotional side of things too. This has not been and easy road to walk through. But I have to trust in God and His plan and timing. Thanks friends....love ya!!!!
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